You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
