Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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