I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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