his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
