nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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