I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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