dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
