I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
