So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
