So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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