What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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