Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
