you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
