Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
