I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
