I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
