Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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