So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
