a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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