she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
