just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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