you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
