my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
