I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
