walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
