i was born a porn star she said
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
