I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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