I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Farmville is her only friend.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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