Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
