Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
