i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
