wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
When are your genitals available?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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