my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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