so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
