omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
