By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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