This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just cropdusted the office
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
