you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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