Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
