I CAN MOONWALK!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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