Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
