Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
