That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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