She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
