Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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