well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
