i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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