Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
