I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i dont even know how to be here
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
