I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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