so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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