Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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