i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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