So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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