yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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