I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
